My Story

Identity.

My identity as a filmmaker didn't start, it developed. I grew up as any other cinephile did, on a diet of endless movies, most of which were too old for me. At school, my 'dream job' changed as fast as the movies I had watched.  After The Aviator, I was destined to fly the skies; after The Wolf of Wallstreet, I was to don a pinstripe and get an economics degree; after Leon The Professional, I was to start my training as the world's leading hitman, though I don't dwell on that one too often.

The real pivotal moment was just before my seventeenth birthday. I knew I wanted to make films, but I didn't have the courage to change path from pursuing an economics degree. At this time, I had told a few friends about my sexuality, something I hid. To be gay was to be the nemesis of the maths and economics student I was trying to be. Like a playground rumour, news spread and I soon faced being outed to all my peers. This was my nightmare coming alive, my dread, my fear, my ruin. I faced them, sick at the navel, oxygen leaving an empty pit in my stomach at every breath. Every single one shook my hand, gave me a pat on the back. Every single one smiled. Every single one of them looked at me in the eye, something I had struggled to do with myself.

My identity as a filmmaker developed, but it was defined on that day when I learnt a crucial lesson: never deprive yourself of who you are, for it takes the magic out of you. Be who you want to be and do want you want to do, because so many don't, and they waste decades wearing a shoe size too small. Approach life with a genuine intent and find the magic. Magic to me was always observable in films, and so from that day forth, I was a filmmaker. I hadn't made a film, wrote a script, used a camera or met an actor, but I was a filmmaker and I was never going to let anyone, most of all myself, tell me different. It takes courage, but following your dream benefits the world entire; finding the magic you dream makes magic observable for everyone.